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Pool Bank Shot Practicing Tools

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BACKGROUND:  NOW or LATER either way

A summary of pool (Cue games) rules, equipment, lingo, … can be found here:

Much of the physics and math involved in making a bank (reflection) shot is summarized here:

Additional information for improving your understanding and skill can be found here:

For more than you want to know, but glad to know it exists; check this out:

For those with a physics interest there is a nice tutorial here:

LIMITATIONS:  WAIT a minute

The tools presented here are inaccurate!  To be used only in obtaining an approximate direction to send the cue ball.  The real skill in adjusting the shot direction involves making changes appropriate to the table conditions, the following assumptions and uncertainties.  Practice.

The important assumptions are that the angle of approach (incidence angle) is equal to the angle of departure (reflection angle); and that the ball has no spin.  Neither of these assumptions is valid!  (These conditions exist for light reflecting from a perfect mirror.)  The angle of departure will always be slightly less than the angle of approach because the table cushions absorb some energy.  Striking the cue ball exactly through the center of gravity and level, is extremely difficult to accomplish.  Variations from the ideal will results in a spinning cue ball, which will alter the bounce.

Another obvious assumption is that there are no obstacles (other balls or pockets) already in the chosen path.

TOOL 1:  MIRROR-MIRROR-MIRROR – set me Straight

Using mirror reflections, as an aid for determining, a 1st approximation for, a pool bank shot.

Much of the physics of using reflections is discussed here:

For a 3 cushion bank shot; 3 mirrors are used, one at each reflection (bank) position.

On the miniature table; place the BLUE/GREEN ball at the target location, place the WHITE cue ball (with attached cue stick and archery sighting) at the start location, point the cue stick (attached to the cue ball assembly) in a direction close to the final shot direction.  Make final adjustments by changing the pointing angle while sighting through the archery sight.  When the BLUE/GREEN ball image is contained in the sight circle, the correct shot direction is determined.  Trim your adjustments.   Note: sometimes the BLUE/GREEN ball will be hiding behind the cue ball assembly, use your judgement. 

The basic table setup for a 3 rail shot

Using 3 perpendicular Mirrors

This is the direction to shoot a 3 rail shot

to hit the target ball —->

Similar techniques are used for 2-rail and 1-rail bank shots where one or two mirrors are used.

TOOL 2:  JUST GO STRAIGHT THERE – bumps are Bounces

Using folded overladed transparencies that represent a REAL pool table, and several VIRTUAL pool tables as an aid for determining, a 1st approximation for, a pool bank shot.

I can’t find a reference for this overlay technique … but it works.

You start with a representation of a REAL pool table.  Next to it you place a number of VIRTUAL  pool tables.  The virtual table is the same size as the real table and is placed aligned and abutting the real table.  These virtual tables are attached to the real table with hinging material (scotch tape or real hinges) so that complete (flat) folding is possible.  Multiple virtual tables may be attached to previous virtual tables.  On the real table you mark the location of the cue and target balls.  You then draw a straight line from the cue ball location to a virtual table target ball location (not always easy to determine).  Draw with a marker pen that can be easily erased.  Each time the straight line crosses a table intersection it represents a rail bounce.  After a rail bounce encounter the line continues straight into another virtual table.  Now fold the tables so that they perfectly align. Observe the path of the cue ball when sent in the direction of the line (cue stick).

TOOL 3:  GROUP EFFORT With Big Mirrors

Probably the best tool is a set of 3 mirrors and 3 friends.  The friends hold the mirrors at the location of rail encounters.  The mirrors must be held vertically along the rail.  The cue stick is pointed at the reflection of the target and the cue ball is struck in that direction.  (Be sure to get the mirrors out of the way first.)  Friends can be replaced by C-clamps.

This is the basic table setup for a 1 rail shot

This is the pointing for a 1 rail to target

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to hit the Target Ball ———–>

“Hide Box” Magic Illusion

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Snapmaker, the people who made my 3D printer/Laser cutter & engraver/CNC carving machine, is conducting a contest for creations using the machine.  I have trouble passing up a contest, especially since I’ve created so many masterpieces.  And the prize is a machine add-on to enable etching on a round surface drinking glass. 

They encouraged submissions that employed recycled material; a natural for my obsession with reusing wooden cigar boxes.  

I have been thinking of creating models of magic stage illusions.  At the top of the list was what is called a “production box”, a box that appears to be empty when examined through the “front” door, but which contains hidden items (like rabbits, women, lions, elephants, …) obtained through the “top” door.  The illusion of emptiness is created using a mirror and judiciously placed objects surrounded by wall and floor coverings using symmetry.  The modern mind, conditioned heavily by vertical and horizontal architectural environments, is easily confused by such images.

So I collected the parts and designed a very effective illusion.  I started with my cigar box collection for the physical sides, top and bottom of my “hide box”.  I paid dearly (about $50) for a quality front surface reflective acrylic mirror.  Obtained a box design from ‘MakerCase’ and used Tinkercad and Inkscape to embellish it.

 

The Hide Box from the outside back
The Hide Box from the outside showing the 2 doors
Hide Box with doors open

The “floor covering” is a favorite M.C. Escher drawing.  You may be intrigued to ponder that this drawing was made on Christmas 1941.  Considering what was going on politically in his part of the world, we can imagine his thoughts.  This drawing very effectively creates the “back” wall, which is really the floor.

Hide Box with front door open

I believe that the use of horizontal symmetry of selected letters (B C D E H I K O X) to add to the overall illusion is original.  I used the words “HIDE BOX” to accomplish this.  I would have liked to use “OKEECHOBEE OHIO” but couldn’t fix it in.  I also considered using letters with vertical symmetry (A H I M O T U V W X) like MATH and TOY but decided to save those for another project.

The side walls are covered with beautiful Islamic tiling, perfect for the angular symmetry needed.  These tiles I found in Pedralbes Royal Palace, Barcelona Spain.

The ball and small green box are simple additions to further confuse a befuddled mind.

The hidden item I have chosen is a famous world leader, which you may remember, who appears to be very upset with himself.

Hide Box with top door open

Here is a video which will help explain everything …

M.C. Escher puzzle tiles

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Making 3D Silhouettes from Pictures:

CookBook Instructions

The sequence that I follow is:  1st (*) I make a JPEG image of a picture containing the object to be 3d printed.  Next (**) I select the object to be 3d printed and save it in SVG format.  Then (***) convert the SVG to STL, and finally (****) slice the STL into G-Code ( the 3d printer compatible format).  

(*) Sources of JPEG Images:

Your Camera/Phone; you can capture essentially anything the eye can see.

Your Computer Screen; using “Screen Dump” (Command+Shift+3 on Apple)

(NOTE: What you have just done or about to do may be illegal!)

Copyright and Patent Rights may exist – don’t think of selling anything!

for example:

International Copyright laws protect all of the work of M.C. Escher, as well as his spoken and written words. Any reproduction of his work, including downloading, is prohibited without the express written permission The M.C. Escher Company.

(**) Image Editing, Translating, Manipulating, Altering, Enhancing, Value Adding, Fair Using, Transforming:

(NOTE: What you think you are doing is legally important!)

I use “Inkscape” to select the object to be 3d printed, and save in SVG format.  Inkscape offers several ways to create a selection path around a portion of the image.  I use the Bezier Curve tool.

Inkscape offers a SVG format Save option, but not the STL format that is needed.  

(***) “TinkerCad” can be used to translate SVG format to STL format.  

(****) There are a number of Freeware Slicing tools. Most 3D printers come with their own.  My printer (SnapMaker) comes with a slicing tool, which I use.  It also handles the printing details like scaling and quality control.

I then use a memory stick to move the G-Code format file from the computer to the 3D printer.

The Sequence is:  Image -> JPEG, -> SVG, -> STL, -> G-Code, -> 3D Printer.

OR find

‘Ready made’ sources of STL files:

thingaverse.com is a shareware website where you can share your creations.

The creations that others will share are numerous and wonderful!

OR enjoy

Your own creations, using tools like:

TinkerCad

Mathematica

TouchTerrain

Terrain2STL

Inkscape

Blender

Making Magic Squares

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I carry, attached to my keys, a Magic Square; the original can be found displayed on the Sagrada Familia Basilica in Barcelona Spain.  See: a later post titled “Sagrada Familia, Barcelona” for further speculation about this particular Magic Square:

MagicSquare2

This square is considered magic because adding each row, or each column, or either diagonal, or other groups of 4 numbers yield the same sum.

Here is how you can use a spreadsheet to create a Magic Square.

As with all spreadsheets; the Columns are A, B, C, D, & E and the Rows 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5.    Now; we enter values and perform calculations in your Spreadsheet:

You may enter any values you wish into the cells in the first row; A1, B1, C1, and D1.

Then enter the following formulas into your spreadsheet:

E1 = A1+B1+C1+D1

A2 = C1-2,  B2 = D1+2,  C2 = A1-2,  D2 = B1+2,  E2 = A2+B2+C2+D2

A3 = D1+1,  B3 = C1+1,  C3 = B1-1,  D3 = A1-1,  E3 = A3+B3+C3+D3

A4 = B1+1,  B4 = A1-3,  C4 = D1+3,  D4 = C1-1,  E4 = A4+B4+C4+D4

A5 = A1+A2+A3+A4,  B5 = B1+B2+B3+B4,  C5 = C1+C2+C3+C4

D5 = D1+D2+D3+D4, and E5 = A1+B2+C3+D4

If you wish, the cells in the 1st row can contain your birthday and another number.

For Example: Here is a Magic Square using the birthdate of September 29, 2008 and 0:

MagicSquare2

Try it with some birthdates!  Then ponder how it all works.

Now try entering other numbers, like zeros and negatives into A1, B1, C1 and D1.  Maybe it will be clearer now how it all works.

There is more information about Magic Squares HERE. You may notice that the Wikipedia article contains a ‘Birthday Magic Square’ which is very similar to your spreadsheet.  It uses the date convention of Day/Month/Year and it contains the Century value, yet it is using basically the same method of construction as your spreadsheet.

Incidentally; if your birthday is 5/4/8 (May 4, 2008), you may have noticed that South American relatives send their birthday wishes a month early on April 5th.  A reason for this can be found HERE, A very confusing lack of standards, which has led to many misunderstandings!

HERE is a web site that presents a Mind Reading trick using Magic Squares.

 

 

Magic Cards, Explained

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I found the Binary Notation connection to this card trick very interesting.  I was struck by the educational possibilities for people who have had an introduction to Number Theory, but needing a practical application to make sense of it.  Young people of the age of ‘formal thought’ are attracted to magic and the challenge of ‘how it is done’ understanding. I put together this brief explanation of the math involved in creating this card trick.  When finished viewing you must click on the back button “<” to return to this page …

To see the trick and my explanation click here:

I wanted to use my new laser cutter, so I made boxes to serve the same function as the cards above:

Each box contains the appropriate number of beads (0,1,2,4,8,16, or 32). The subject chooses a secret number, then empties the box(s) containing that number on its face, counts the beads, and amazingly they add to the secret number!

Here is a video of a analog computer doing arithmetic in Binary …

Toilet Hack

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Having seen a hand rinse toilet hack at a friend’s, I decided to see what action I could produce with the falling water.  More to come!

Toilet Hack

Previews of coming attractions:

Bamboo water wheel with figure turning crank

Water wheel turning generator which lights a small LED

Variations on Hydropower useage

 

 

Big Top Pinball

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This year I refurbished a 1964 pinball machine.  It’s a New York machine, so it gives ‘Extra Balls’ (Continue to Play) instead of free games.

back

backlighted

I haven’t included all of the back-glass lights.  A previous owner painted the inside of the back-glass with NON-translucent paint, so back lighting presents an unattractive display.

upper

mid

lower

The playfield is very clean, with a few wear spots, and is complete.  I have added new rubber and replaced all the lamps with Led’s.  The four flippers made Merle happy, allowing me to move it from the garage to the dining room.

play

front

New legs and 3 months of fiddling produced a machine that is fully functional.

side

A previous owner painted the cabinet, to the original design.  The work is not professional quality, but presents very well.

backside

clown

I added the clown artwork to the back door.  The image was copied from the internet with no credits available, although the artist is probably Jacqueline Macou.

The only hacks that I’ve added so far are a switch to silence the bells, and a post between the bottom flipper.  The post is appreciated by all my non-professional players.

This Winter it will be housed in an un-heated house in the Adirondack Park, upstate New York.  The temperature extremes are large, but the humidity should be low.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed and will be anxious to play it next Spring.

This is my 3rd renovation, all electro-mechanical Gottlieb machines.  I wouldn’t say that I’m hooked, but I am looking for and EM ‘Home Run’ or ‘Playball’ for my daughter’s home.

Paul Bunyan Pinball Machine

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My current passion is to restore a 1968 Gottlieb electromechanical (EM) pinball machine to the theme of Paul Bunyan.  We chose this machine primarily because it has 6 flippers, giving us a better chance to keep the ball in play.  After searching for six months or so, a pinball enthusiast (Cliff Rinear) I had contacted, spotted one for sale near Modesto California.  After looking at a few pictures and talking with the ‘owner’, I gave him $325 sight unseen.  Jessie and I drove up to get it, in my Prius.  Seeing it, I was having serious second thoughts and had I not already purchased it, …  It had been stored for 30 years without the playfield glass or a back cover, the paint flaked off in our hands when we lifted it.  After a month or so the cosmetic part is essentially complete.  Most of the game features work.  I’m hopefull!  Here are some pictures:

First my copy art … there are those purists who will say that I have gone beyond the acceptable limits of responsible restoration.  Oh well …

The Right side of the Wedge.

WedgeRightSideArt

The Left side of the Wedge.

WedgeLeftSideArt

The Back of the Wedge.

WedgeBackArt

The Sides of the Playfield.

SideArt

And now for the machine:

Wedge

Playfield

RightSide


BackRight

I have spent the last year bringing it back to life.  EVERY feature now works!  All lights are switched to LEDs.  The coin chute works, but is not required.  All free game conditions work.  Now I’m customizing.

Cabinet Floor

RearPortholeInside

RightPorthole

 

You can see the portholes and mirrors that are added for spectator viewing.  I had considered making a transparent cabinet, but decided that it was beyond my capabilities.  I’ve added labels to all major components and a few LEDs to give a small light show.

 

 

FlipperHacks

From this view of the Playfield bottom you can see the area of my flipper hacking.  The purpose of the next phase is to make the machine handicap accessible.  The first step is to add a Flipper crossover, which causes all 6 flippers to respond to either flipper button.  That hack is complete and can be seen upper right in the photo.  I love using knife switches and have used them in all hacks to date.

Behind Wedgehead

 

This view of the back of the wedge head shows some additional hacking that I’ve done.  I have a Tens and Hundreds bells hack that permits silencing those bells.  There is a free game hack for bypassing the 10 cent coin chute.  All of my hacks are reversible with the throw of a knife switch.

MusicHack

My most recent hack is to add audio to the playing experience.  The audio is provided by a hacked security device, sitting in the lower right of the picture above.  This Recorder/Player is attached to a New contact that I added to the 1000 point relay.  When a 1000 point addition is achieved the recorder plays a version of “The Lumberjack Song” by Monty Python:

I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK.  I sleep all night and I work all day.

I cut down trees, I skip and jump. I like to press wildflowers.

I put on women’s clothing and hang around in bars.

I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspendies and a bra.

I wish I’d been a girlie, just like my dear Mamma.

 

I’ve added several additional features:

A mild verbal chiding has been added following a TILT.

Sip action is complete.  Sip and Puff are alternative choices – you can’t have both at the same time.  I went with Sip on both Sensors, but changes are easily made

Wii Nunchuck control has been completed.  The accomplishment of this feat involved using a Arduino Pro Mini with software.  I used the switch and joystick actions to control the right and left flippers.  I made no use of the 3-axis accelerometer data (see what’s next list below).  The software has the values and they will be used in other applications.

Here are a number of images showing the accomplishment of remote control of my Pinball machine:

UmbilicalBox Top

The Red and Green buttons and associated Puff/Sip tubes control the flippers, the White button controls the Replay Button, and the Yellow button will control the ball plunger (yet to be implemented).

Instructions

Inside the box:  Only the fearless dare to tread here …

Inside BoxWiring DiagramIMG_1083Software

The hose connector to the Right is for Puffing (a higher pressure)

Left Sip

Inputs and Outputs of the Relays are indirectly from the normal Flipper switches.

5-Volt Relays

Nice Remote Control Device, via BlueTooth.

NunChuck

Well I haven’t done any of the above, but I did come across a sound sensor and decided to add sound triggering of the flipper control circuit.

SoundBoard

The sound board with power and relay controls is installed.

Speaker

The sound capture is installed, but the whole thing does not function properly.  I’ll have to ponder this one for awhile.

Next hacks:

I’ve found a IR sensor that will respond to any click on any remote control, I may install that next.

I’ve been considering adding head-tilt as a control of the flippers.  It would be easy to implement, actually only 2 lines of code since the accelerometer values are read in with all the others.  The problem is that the accelerometer values are very sensitive to giggling and random movement.  Filtering would be the answer, confirmation, or smoothing, or …  Once this is working, other movements can be added; like winking, or …

I want to add a solenoid and hardware for remotely actuation of a ball plunger; without hopefully interfering with the manual plunger.   It’s not as if it’s never been done.  There are a number of Stern machines that use a Auto-Launch assembly.  I can get a new one for $80, but am advised that considerable modifications to my cabinet may be required.  Not that I am haven’t done that already.

 

 

 

Play NIM

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For my Christmas gift to young people next year (2020), I plan to put together a Play Nim game package.  The Box will be one that I produce with my new laser cutting skills.  The instructions and explanation will be the following:

PlayNIM

Since High School days I’ve had a fascination with the game of NIM.  I’ve tried on several occasions to write a program to play the ‘perfect game’, but for one reason or another didn’t make it.

Recently I was having fun with a Arduino MEGA 2560 microcontroller.  I started with a UNO board but quickly found that it didn’t have enough inputs for my needs.  The MEGA has 54 digital inputs and 16 analogs, that should hold me for awhile.

Now I’ve done it!  Here is a picture of the hardware side of the solution:

PlayNIM

The software side is harder to show, but it works!  Sorry, but this is all I have to show:

NimCode1

NimCode2

NimCode3

NimCode4

NimCode5

NimCode6

NimCode7

Cigar Box Antics

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I recently came across a large stash of used Cigar Boxes, many more than I had stuff to store.  So I’ve been exploring ways to use these beautiful pieces of art …

Here are my desk lamp creations:

Lamp1

Lamp2

Lamp3

Lamp4

Lamp5

Lamp6

Lamp7

Lamp8

Lamp9

Lamp15

Lamp10

Lamp11

Lamp12

Lamp13

Lamp14

Lamp16

Lamp17

Lamp18

Lamp19

Lamp20

Lamp21

Lamp21

Lamp23

Lamp24

Lamp25

And speakers for my computers …

Speakers1

Speakers2

And clocks to keep me on time …

Clock

Clock2

Clock3

Clock4

And Sensors to keep me safe … For most of them, they detect motion and turn on a light, chime, siren or my recorded voice.  One gives light emphasis to sounds.  And one sends me an e-mail video when it detects a sound or motion …

Sensor1

Sensor2

Sensor3

Sensor4

Sensor5

This is the coolest sensor of them all … it uses my iPhone and a free Apple App called Presence.  It secretly uses either camera and the microphone to report goings-on to my iPad which could be thousands of miles away.  There is much more that it does – if you’re interested, check the App out at the Apple store.  It uses old iPhones with working cameras and wi-fi and it can support a large number of them.  So, if you have an old iPhones that you are not using, I have a use for it!

Sensor6

Sensor1.1

And now … they house Robots.  The first is a Lady of the Night, who Seeks the Light.

LightSeeker

Now they help conserve energy by having AC feed itself.  Not really … It is an AC control box that uses an Infrared sensor (PIR) to detect humans and then turns on the AC for them.

ACcontrolW:PIC

ACcontrolW:PIC2

 

W.C. Fields used cigar boxes in his juggling routine …

I still have a lot remaining, and can get even more; so if you have an idea let me know.

Gilder Radner – Emily Littela – “Never Mind”

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VIOLINS ON TELEVISION 

Emily Lattella: What’s all this fuss I keep hearing about violins on television? Why don’t parents want their kids to see violins on television? I thought the Leonardo Bernstein concerts were just lovely, now, if they only show violins on television after ten o’clock at night, the little babies will all be asleep and they won’t learn any music appreciation. They’ll learn to play guitars, and bongo drums and go to Africa and join these rock’n roll outfits and they won’t drink milk! I think there should be more violins on television and less game shows, it’s terrible the way…

Chevy Chase : Um, Littella, that’s Violence on television. Not violins.

Emily Litella : Oh, well that’s diffrent. Never mind!

BUSTING SCHOOLCHILDREN

Emily Litella: I’m here tonight to speak out against busting schoolchildren. Busting schoolchildren is a terrible, terrible thing. I hear this is going on all over the country. Mean policemen arrest little children and put them in jail in the wrong neighborhood, so they can’t even play with their little friends. Imagine, busting schoolchildren! The food in jail isn’t good, and even though they get bread, I don’t believe they can get toast. Or nice cake. Now, who will tuck them in? Where will they hang their leggings? Where will they set up their little lemonade stands? Well, they don’t have toys in jail, except maybe..

Chevy Chase: [ interrupting ] Miss Litella?

Emily Litella: Yes?

Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. The editorial was on bussing schoolchildren. Bussing. Not busting.

Emily Litella: Oh. I’m sorry. Never mind.

PRESIDENTIAL ERECTION

Emily Litella: What’s all this fuss I’ve been hearing about the 1976 presidential erection? Now, I know they erected a monument for Mr. Lincoln and President Washington, but that’s because they’re DEAD! Hopefully, the 1976 President won’t be DEAD! So he won’t NEED an erection! If Americans are going to spend money to erect anything, why don’t we tear down those nasty slums and erect luxury high rises for poor people and senior citizens! Not for presidents who can afford to pay for their OWN erections!

Chevy Chase: Miss Litella –

Emily Litella: I can’t believe the way things are turning out in this country — what?

Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. That’s election. The editorial was about the presidential election, not the presidential erection. Election.

Emily Litella: Oh, that’s very different.

Chevy Chase: Yes.

Emily Litella: [ smiling ] Never mind.

SOVIET JEWELRY

Emily Litella: What’s all this FUSS I hear… about saving Soviet jewelry? Now… what makes Soviet jewelry so special? Will it be worth more in a few years? Why… prices what they are today… ALL jewelry will be worth more! now, if I recall correctly, Mrs. Kruschev didn’t wear very much jewelry… and her husband, the Premier, didn’t even wear a watch! Not the mickey mouse watch, anyway. Why, they wouldn’t even let him into Disney Land! And now he’s DEAD!! Well, I’m infuriated! Save Soviet jewelry?! Where are we going to put it? I say keep it over THERE, with all their ballet dancers! Let them keep their own jewelry AND their own ballet dancers! As a matter of fact, why don’t get the ballet dancers to save the jewelry?! Americans have more important things to save! And electricity! And what about our fuel? Now, THAT’S important! Not jewelry!

Chevy Chase: Miss Litella. Miss Litella.

Emily Litella: What?!

Chevy Chase: It’s Jewry. Jewry. Not jewelry.

Emily Litella: It’s what?

Chevy Chase: Soviet Jewry. The editorial was about Jewry, not jewelry.

Emily Litella: Oh! Well, that’s very important.

Chevy Chase: Yes.

Emily Litella: [ she smiles ] Never mind!

EAGLE RIGHTS

Emily Litella: What’s all this fuss I hear… about an Eagle Rights Amendment? Now, I realize that the eagle is the symbol for the United States of America. But I wouldn’t like to sit next to one on the bus! Well, I think the eagle’s been treated fair enough! We put them on the back of the quarter, didn’t we? Well, I’m angry! Do those birds expect to vote? They don’t even have fingers to push the little lever in the booth! And they’ll get their wings caught in the curtain! It’ll be a mess! Between you and me, if we give eagles rights, the next thing you know, we’ll have to give rights to pigeons! And then robins! And parakeets! Why, you won’t be able to get a seat in the park! It’ll be the BIRDS sitting on the bench throwing US little pieces of toast! If we’re gonna give birds rights, we’ll have to give them to parrots! At least they can talk! Not the eagle! They don’t do a thing! I –

Chevy Chase: Miss Litella? Miss Litella?

Emily Litella: What?!

Chevy Chase: The editorial was in favor of the Equal Rights Amendment. Not Eagle Rights — Equal Rights.

Emily Litella: Equal Rights?

Chevy Chase: Yes.

Emily Litella: For who?

Chevy Chase: Well, people, Miss Litella.

Emily Litella: Oh. Well, that’s reasonable.

Chevy Chase: Yes.

Emily Litella: Never mind!

CANKER RESEARCH

Emily Litella: I believe the American people are pouring too much money… into CANKER… research! Now, how much can you learn about a little tiny sore inside your face?! Why, JUST the other day… a lovely lady came to my door and asked me to donate money to the American CANKER Society! But I said, “Goodness gracious, NO!!” I’m saving up my money for more important diseases! Mind you, Cankers can be nasty little buggers! But they don’t KILL you! Now, my cousin Mildred used to get them all the time! On the inside of her lip. And it hurt like HELL when she ate grapefruit! So I told her, “Mildred! Don’t eat grapefruit!” And it didn’t cost her a cent! Why waste your money, America? CANKERS can be beaten! Don’t eat grapefruit! [ she pounds the desk ] And if you DO have cankers… don’t put your fingers in your mouth, and don’t keep fiddling around with them!

Chevy Chase: Excuse me, Miss Litella? Miss Litella?

Emily Litella: What?! What?

Chevy Chase: Miss Litella, I’m sorry. That’s… cancer. The editorial was in favor of money provided for cancer research. Not — not canker sores. Emily Litella: Oh! Well, that’s very necessary.

Chevy Chase: Yes, it is.

Emily Litella: [ she turns to the camera ] Never mind.

DEAF PENALTY

Emily Litella: What is all this fuss I hear about the Supreme Court’s decision on a DEAF penalty?! It’s terrible!! Deaf people have enough problems as it is! I know I myself occasionally have difficulty with my hearing — but that doesn’t mean I want to be punished for it! And what do they do to them, anyway? Shout nasty things at them behind their back? You mark my words: If we start punishing deaf people, they’ll get back at us! They’ll close their eyes when we talk to them and they won’t be able to see a thing we’re saying!! I say, instead of making deafness a penalty, we ought to start doing NICE things for them. Like talking louder. [ shouting ] YOU HEAR ME?!! CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME OUT THERE?!!

Chevy Chase: I’m sorry, Miss Litella. That’s death penalty. Death penalty.

Emily Litella: [ confused ] What?

Chevy Chase: The editorial was about the Supreme Court’s decision on the death penalty — not deaf penalty. Death penalty.

Emily Litella: Oh. Well, that’s very different.

Chevy Chase: Yes.

Emily Litella: [ she smiles ] Never mind!

 

ENDANGERED FECES

What’s all this fuss I hear about endangered feces?  That’s outrageous.  Why is feces endangered?  How can you possibly run out of such a thing? Just look around you – you can see it all over the place.  And besides, who wants to save that anyway?

MAKING PUERTO RICO A STEAK

What’s all this fuss I hear about making Puerto Rico a steak?  Let me warn all of you: if you make Puerto Rick a steak, the next thing they’ll want is a baked potato-with sour cream and chives and little bacon bits.  And then they’ll probably want a salad bar!  Why, they’ll be lined up for miles!

 

Here are some memorable Gilda performances:

Remembering Gilda

 

 

 

Blackjack Counting Strategy

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Follow these rules and you’ll only lose a little ..

Good Luck!

 

Cole Porter songs

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This is one of my favorite Cole Porter songs …

Love for Sale:

When the only sound on the empty street
is the heavy tread of the heavy feet
that belong to a lonesome cop
I open shop

The moon so long has been gazing down
on the wayward ways of this wayward town
that her smile becomes a smirk, I go to work

Love for sale
appetizing young love for sale
love that’s fresh and still unspoiled
love that’s only slightly soiled
love for sale

who will buy
who would like to sample my supply
who’s prepared to pay the price
for a trip to paradise
love for sale

let the poets pipe of love
in their childish ways
I know every type of love
better far than they
if you want the thrill of love
I have been through the mill of love
old love
new love
every love but true love

love for sale
appetizing young love for sale
if you want to buy my wares follow me and climb the stairs
love for sale …

and here is a video with Ella Fitzgerald:

Cole Porter songs (I believe this to be a complete list, but …)

A Fool There Was

A Football King

A Humble Hollywood Executive

A Lady Needs A Rest

A Little Rumba Numba

A Little Skipper From Heaven Above

A Man Must His Honor Defend

A Member Of The Yale Elizabethan Club

A Picture Of Me Without You

A Sight-Seeing Tour

A Step Montage

A Stroll On The Plaza Sant’ana

A Table For Two

A Toast To Volstead

A Weekend Affair

A Woman’s Career

A-Stairable Rag

Abracadabra

Absinthe

Absinthe Drip

Ace In The Hole

Adam And Eve

Adios Argentina

After All, I’m Only A Schoolgirl

After You, Who?

Ah Fong Low

Aladdin

Aladdin Dance

All I’ve Got To Get Now Is My Man

All Of You

All Through The Night

Allez-Vous-En

Almiro

Alone With You

Alpine Rose

Altogether Too Fond Of You

Always True To You In My Fashion

Am I In Love?

Americans All Drink Coffee

Amo Amas

Announcement Of Inheritance

Another Op’nin’, Another Show

Another Sentimental Song

Antoinette Birby

Anything Goes

Anytime

Apache Dance

Aqua Sincopada Tango

Art

As I Love You

As Long As It’s Not About Love

As On Through The Seasons We Sail

Assembly Line

At Last In Your Arms

At Long Last Love

At Longchamps Today

At The Dawn Tea

At The Rainbow

At Ye Olde Coffee Shoppe In Cheyenne

Au Revoir, Cher Baron

Auf Wiedersehen

Away From It All

Baby Games

Baby, Let’s Dance

Back To Nature

Bad Men

Be A Clown

Be Like The Bluebird

Beach Scene

Beautiful, Primitive Indian Girls

Bebe Of Gay Paree

Begin The Beguine

Bellboys

Bertie And Gertie

Between You And Me

Beware Of The Sophomore

Beware Of Yale

Bianca

Bichloride Of Mercury

Big Town

Bingo Eli Yale

Blow, Gabriel, Blow

Blue Hours

Bobolink Waltz

Bon Voyage

Boogie Baracarolle

Boroff’s Ode

Bridget

Bring Me A Radio

Bring Me Back My Butterfly

Brittany

Broadcast A Jazz

Brush Up Your Shakespeare

Buddie Beware

Bull Dog

But He Never Says He Loves Me

But In The Morning, No

Butterflies

Buy Her A Box At The Opera

By Candlelight

By The Mississinewah

C’est Magnifique

Ca, C’est L’amour

Cabinet Music

Cablegram

Café Society Still Carries On

California Scene Dance

Can-Can

Carlotta

Caroline

Carry On

Casanova

Chaperons

Charity

Chelsea

Cherry Pies Ought To Be You

Class Of 1909 Song

Class Of 1913 Song

Cleveland

Climb Up The Mountain

Close

Close To Me

Cocktail Time

Coffee

Come Along With Me

Come On In

Come To Bohemia

Come To The Supermarket In Old Peking

Comrade Alonzo

Concentration

Cora, The Fair Chorine

Could It Be You?

Couldn’t Be

Count Your Blessings

Dainty, Quainty Me

Dance Of The Crinoline Ladies

Dance Of The Ragamuffins

Dancin To A Jungle Drum

Dancing

Danse Erotique

Danse Tzigane

Danse Victoire

Dawn Music

Dear Doctor

Die Schöne Wirtstochter

Dinner

Dizzy Baby

Do I Love You?

Do You Want To See Paris

Don’t Fence Me In

Don’t Let It Get You Down

Don’t Look At Me That Way

Don’t Tell Me Who You Are

Don’t Fence Me In

Down In A Dungeon Deep

Down In The Depths

Down Lovers Lane

Down With Everybody But Us

Dream Dancing

Dream Song

Dresden China Soldiers

Drink, Drink, Drink

Drinking Song

Dubarry Was A Lady

Duodessimalogue

Easy To Love

Eli

Entrance Of Emigrants

Entrance Of Eric

Entrance Of Lucy James

Entrance Of Montana

Entrance Of Prince Paul

Esmeralda

Ev’ry Day A Holiday

Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye

Ev’rybod-ee Who’s Anybod-ee

Ev’rything I Love

Ever And Ever Yours

Every Man Is A Stupid Man

Excelsior (Boulevard Break)

Exercise

Experiment

Fair One

Fairy Tale

Far Away

Far, Far Away

Fare Thee Well

Farewell, Amanda

Farming

Fate

Fated To Be Mated

Fi, Fi, Fifi

Find Me A Primitive Man

Fish

Five Hundred Million

Fla De Dah

Flower Maidens

Flower Song

For No Rhyme Or Reason

Fountain Of Youth

Frahngee-Pahnee

Fresh As A Daisy

Friendship

From Alpha To Omega

From Now On

From This Moment On

Funny Little Tracks In The Snow

Gather Ye Autographs While Ye May

Gavotte

Genie’s Theme

Georgia Sand

Gershwin Specialty

Get Out Of Town

Get Yourself A Girl

Girls

Give Him The Oo-La-La

Give Me The Land

Glide, Glider, Glide

Go Into Your Dance

God Bless The Woman

Good Evening, Princess

Good Morning, Miss Standing

Goodbye Boys

Goodbye My True Love

Goodbye, Little Dream, Goodbye

Greek Scene

Greek To You

Gypsy Song

Ha, Ha, Ha

Ha, Ha, They Must Sail For Siberia

Hail Bibinski

Hail The Female Relative

Hail To Yale

Hail, Hail, Hail

Hail, Hail, To Cyril

Hans

Hark To The Song Of The Night

Hasta Luego

He Certainly Kills The Women

He’s A Right Guy

Hello, Miss Chapel Street

Hence, It Don’t Make Sense

Her Heart Was In Her Work

Here Comes The Bandwagon

Here Must Be Someone For Me

Here’s A Cheer For Dear Old Ciro’s

Here’s To Panama Hattie

Hereafter
Hey Sexy

Hey, Babe, Hey

Hey, Good Lookin’

High Flyin’ Wings On My Shoes

High Society Calypso

Hip, Hip Hooray For Andy Jackson

Hold-Up Ensemble

Hot-House Rose

How Could We Be Wrong?

How Do They Do It?

How Do You Spell Ambassador?

How’s Your Romance?

Hush, Hush, Hush

Hymn To Hymen

I Adore You

I Always Knew

I Am Ashamed That Women Are So Simple

I Am Gaston

I Am In Love

I Am Loved

I Can Do Without Tea In My Teapot

I Concentrate On You

I Could Kick Myself

I Do

I Dream Of A Girl In A Shawl

I Get A Kick Out Of You

I Got Beauty

I Happen To Be In Love

I Happen To Like New York

I Hate Men

I Hate You, Darling

I Introduced

I Jupiter, I Rex

I Know It’s Not Meant For Me

I Like Pretty Things

I Love Only You

I Love Paris

I Love You

I Love You So

I Love You, Samantha

I Loved Him But He Didn’t Love Me

I Never Realized

I Shall Positively Pay You Next Monday

I Sing Of Love

I Sleep Easier Now

I Still Love The Red, White And Blue

I Want To Be A Yale Boy

I Want To Be Married (To A Delta Kappa Epsilon Man)

I Want To Be Raided By You

I Want To Go Home

I Want To Row On The Crew

I Want Twins

I Wonder Where My Girl Is Now

I Worship You

I Wrote A Play

I’ll Black His Eyes

I’m A Gigolo

I’m Afraid I Love You

I’m Afraid, Sweetheart, I Love You

I’m An Anaesthetic Dancer

I’m Back In Circulation

I’m Dining With Elsa

I’m Getting Myself Ready For You

I’m Going In For Love

I’m In Love

I’m In Love Again

I’m In Love With A Soldier Boy

I’m Not Myself At All

I’m So Glahd To Meet You

I’m So In Love With You

I’m Taking The Steps To Russia

I’m The Queen Thamar

I’m Throwing A Ball Tonight

I’m Unlucky At Gambling

I’m Yours

I’ve A Shooting Box In Scotland

I’ve A Strange New Rhythm In My Heart

I’ve Come To Wive It Wealthily In Padua

I’ve Got A Crush On You

I’ve Got An Awful Lot To Learn

I’ve Got My Eyes On You

I’ve Got Some Unfinished Business With You

I’ve Got Somebody Waiting

I’ve Got You On My Mind

I’ve Got You Under My Skin

I’ve Still Got My Health

Idyll

If Ever Married I’m

If Ever We Get Out Of Jail

If I Hadn’t A Husband

If I Were Only A Football Man (Became ‘A Football King’)

If In Spite Of Our Attempts

If Only You Could Love Me

If You Could Love Me

If You Loved Me Truly

If You Smile At Me

Ilsa’s Song

In A Moorish Garden

In Hitchy’s Garden

In The Big Money

In The Green Hills Of Country Mayo

In The Land Where My Heart Was Born

In The Still Of The Night

Indian Girls’ Chant

Indian Maidens’ Chorus

Information Please

Innocent Innocent Maids

Is It Joy?

Is It The Girl? (Or Is It The Gown?)

It Ain’t Etiquette

It All Belongs To You

It All Seems So Long Ago

It Isn’t Done

It Might Have Been

It Must Be Fun To Be You

It Never Entered My Head

It Pays To Advertise

It Puzzles Me So

It Was Great Fun The First Time

It Was Written In The Stars

It’s A Big Night

It’s A Chemical Reaction, That’s All

It’s A Great Life

It’s All Over But The Shouting

It’s All Right With Me

It’s Awfully Hard When Mother’s Not Along

It’s Bad For Me

It’s De-Lovely

It’s Just Like The Good Old Days

It’s Just Yours

It’s No Laughing Matter

It’s Probably Just As Well

Italian Street Singers

Java

Jerry, My Soldier Boy

Join It Right Away

Josephine

Jubilee Presentation

Just Another Page In Your Diary

Just One Of Those Things

Just One Of Those Things (Not The Famous Version!)

Just One Step Ahead Of Love

Kate The Great

Kathleen

Katie Of The YMCA

Katie Went To Haiti

Keep Moving

Keep Your Chin Up

Kiss Me, Kate

L’après-Midi D’un Boeuf

La Reve D’Absinthe

Ladies In Waiting

Lady Fair, Lady Fair

Laundry Scene

Lead Me On

Leaders Of Society

Les Girls

Let Doctor Schmet Vet Your Pet

Let’s Be Buddies

Let’s Do It, Let’s Fall In Love

Let’s Face It

Let’s Fly Away

Let’s Make It A Night

Let’s Misbehave

Let’s Not Talk About Love

Let’s Step Out

Let’s Vocalize

Lima

Little One

Live And Let Live

Llewellyn

Loading Song

Loie And Chlodo

Lonely Star

Longing For Dear Old Broadway

Look Around

Look What I Found

Looking At You

Lotus Bloom

Love ‘Em And Leave Em

Love Came And Crowed Me

Love For Sale

Love Letter Words

Love Me, Love My Pekinese

Love Of My Life

Ma Petite Ninette

Mack The Black

Mademazelle

Maid Of Santiago

Maiden Fair

Maidens Typical Of France

Make A Date With A Great Psychoanalyst

Make Every Day Holiday

Make It Another Old-Fashioned, Please

Make Way For The Emperor

Mamie Magdalin

Manuela

Maria

Martinique

Maryland Show

Maybe Yes, Maybe No

Me And Marie

Meet Me Beside The River

Melos, That Lovely Smiling Isle

Mercy Percy

Mesdames And Messieurs

Midsummer Night

Military Maids

Milk, Milk, Milk

Mind If I Make Love To You?

Mirror, Mirror

Miss Chapel Street

Miss Otis Regrets

Mississippi Belle

Missus Aouda

Mister And Missus Fitch

Mona And Her Kiddies

Montmart’

Moon Man

Most Gentlemen Don’t Like Love

Mother Phi

Mr. And Mrs. Smith

Music With Meals

My Broth Of A Boy

My Cozy Little Corner In The Ritz

My Darling Never Is Late

My Georgia Gal

My Harlem Wench

My Heart Belongs To Daddy

My Home Town Girl

My Houseboat On The Thames

My Little Barcelona Maid

My Little Piece Of Pie

My Long Ago Girl

My Louisa

My Loulou

My Most Intimate Friend

My Mother Would Love You

My Salvation Army Queen

Mysteriously

Naughty, Naughty

Neauville-Sur-Mer

Never Give Anything Away

Never Say No

Never, Never Be An Artist

Night And Day

Night Club Opening

Nina

No Lover

No Show This Evening

No Wonder Taxes Are High

Nobody’s Chasing Me

Nothing To Do But Work

Now You Has Jazz

Nymph Errant

Octet

Oh, Bright Fair Dream

Oh, Honey

Oh, How I Could Go For You

Oh, It Must Be Fun

Oh, Mary

Oh, What A Lonely Princess

Oh, What A Pretty Pair Of Lovers

Oka Saka Circus

Old-Fashioned Garden

Old-Fashioned Girl (Old-Fashioned Boy)

Olga (Come Back To The Volga)

Omnibus

On My Yacht

Once Upon A Time

Only Another Boy And Girl

Open In Venice

Opera Star

Operatic Pills

Opportunity Knocks But Once

Our Crown

Our Hotel

Ours

Pagliacci

Paranoia

Paree, What Did You Do To Me?

Paris Loves Lovers

Per Favore

Perennial Debutantes

Perfectly Terrible

Peter Piper

Pets

Pick Me Up And Lay Me Down

Pilot Me

Pipe Dreaming

Pitter-Patter

Pity Me Please

Play Me A Tune

Please Don’t Make Me Be Good

Please Don’t Monkey With Broadway

Plumbing

Poker

Poor Young Millionaire

Pretty Little Missus Bell

Prithee Come Crusading With Me

Prologue (of Out of this World)

Public Enemy Number One

Put A Sack Over Their Heads

Quadrille

Queen Of The Yale Dramat

Queens Of Terpsichore

Quelque-Chose

Rap-Tap On Wood

Recall Goodhue

Red, Hot And Blue

Revelation Ensemble

Revenge

Rick-Chick-A-Chick

Riddle Diddle Me This

Ridin’ High

Ritz Roll And Rock

River God

Rolling Home

Rolling, Rolling

Rosalie

Rosebud

Rub Your Lamp

Ruins

Sailors Of The Sky

Salt Air

Satin And Silk

Saturday Night

Say It With Gin

Scandal

School, School, Heaven-Blessed School

Scotch Twins

Sea Chantey

See America First

See That You’re Born In Texas

Serenade

Sex Appeal

She Was A Fair Young Mermaid

Shootin’ The Works For Uncle Sam

Should I Tell You I Love You?

Si Vous Aimez Les Poitrines

Siberia
Silk Stockings

Silver Moon

Since I Kissed My Baby Goodbye

Since Ma Got The Craze Espagnole

Since We’ve Met

Sing Jubilee

Sing Sing For Sing Sing

Sing To Me Guitar

Singing In The Saddle

Six Little Wives

Slave Auction

Slow Sinks The Sun

Snagtooth Gertie

So In Love

So Let Us Hail

So Long

So Long, Samoa

So Long, San Antonio

So Near And Yet So Far

So What?

Solomon

Somebody’s Going To Throw A Big Party

Something For The Boys

Something To Shout About

Something’s Got To Be Done

Song Of The Birds

South Sea Isles

Spring Love Is In The Air

Step We Grandly

Stereophonic Sound

Strolling

Strolling Quite Fancy Free

Submarine

Success

Suez Dance

Sunday Morning, Breakfast Time

Suttee Procession

Sweet Nudity

Sweet Simplicity

Swing That Swing

Swingin’ The Jinx Away

Syncopated Pipes Of Pan

Take It Easy

Take Me Back To Manhattan

Tarantella

Technique

Tequila

Texas Will Make You A Man

Thank You

Thank You So Much, Mrs. Lowsborough-Goodby

That Black And White Baby Of Mine

That Little Old Bar At The Ritz

That Rainbow Rag

That Zip Cornwall Cooch

That’s The News I’m Waiting To Hear

That’s What You Mean To Me

That’s Why I Love You

The American Express

The American Punch

The Band Started Swinging A Song

The Bandit Band

The Banjo That Man Joe Plays

The Bearded Lady

The Big Parade

The Blue Boy Blues

The Boy Friend Back Home

The Chiripah

The Cocotte

The Dollys And Their Collies

The Extra Man

The Garden Of Eden

The Gold Dusters Song

The Good-Will Movement

The Great Indoors

The Gypsy In Me

The Happy Heaven Of Harlem

The Harbor Deep Down In My Heart

The Heaven Of Harlem

The Heaven Top

The Judgment Of Paris

The Kling-Kling Bird On The Divi Divi Tree

The Lady I Love

The Lady I’ve Vowed To Wed

The Language Of Flowers

The Law

The Laziest Gal In Town

The Leader Of A Big-Time Band

The Life Of A Sailor

The Lost Liberty Blues

The Lovely Heroine

The Motor Car

The Night Of The Ball

The Old Rat Mort

The Old-Fashioned Waltz

The Ozarks Are Callin’ Me Home

The Perfume Of Love

The Physician

The Poor Rich

The Prep School Widow

The Queen Of Terre Haute

The Ragtime Pipes Of Pan

The Red Blues

The Scampi

The Side Car

The Snake In The Grass

The Social Coach Of All The Fashionable Future Debutantes

The Sponge

The Tale Of The Oyster

The Tattooed Gentleman

The Upper Park Avenue

The Villain

The Wedding Cake-Walk

The Whip Dance

Theme: Ode To A Tractor

There He Goes, Mr. Phileas Fogg

There’ll Always Be A Lady Fair

There’s A Fan

There’s A Happy Land In The Sky

There’s A Hollywood That’s Good

There’s No Cure Like Travel

There’s Nothing Like Swimming

They Ain’t Done Right By Our Nell

They All Fall In Love

They Couldn’t Compare To You

They’re Always Entertaining

Through Thick And Thin

Tired Of Living Alone

To Follow Every Fancy

To Hell With Eerything But Us

To Love Or Not To Love

To The Usa From The Ussr

To Think That This Could Happen To Me

Tom, Dick Or Harry

Tomorrow

Tonight I Love You More

Too Bad

Too Darn Hot

Toy Of Destiny

True Love

Trust Your Destiny To A Star

Twilight

Twin Sisters

Two Big Eyes

Two Little Babes In The Wood

Under The Dress

Understudies

Up To His Old Tricks Again

Use Your Imagination

Venice

Venus Of Milo

Visit Panam

Vite, Vite, Vite

Vivienne

Voodoo

Wait For The Moon

Wait Until It’s Bedtime

Waiters V. Waitresses

Wake Up And Dream

Wake, Love, Wake

Waltz Down The Aisle

Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Washington Square

Washington, D.c.

Watching The World Go By

We Are Prom Girls

We Are So Aesthetic

We Are The Chorus Of The Show

We Detest A Fiesta

We Drink To You, J.J.Brody

We Shall Never Be Younger

We’re A Group Of Non-Entities

We’re About To Start Big Rehearsin’

We’re Off

We’re Off For A Hayride In Mexico

We’re Off To Feathermore

We’re On The Road To Athens

We’ve Been Spending The Summer With Our Families

Welcome To Jerry

Well, Did You Evah!

Well, I Just Wouldn’t Know

Were Thine That Special Face

Weren’t We Fools

What A Ball

What A Charming Afternoon

What A Crazy Way To Spend Sunday

What A Fair Thing Is A Woman

What A Great Pair We’ll Be

What A Joy To Be Young

What A Nice Municipal Park

What A Priceless Pleasure

What Am I To Do

What Are Little Husbands Made Of

What Do You Think About Men?

What Does Your Servant Dream About?

What Fun

What Have I?

What Is That Tune?

What Is This Thing Called Love

What Love Is

What Shall I Do?

What Will Become Of Our England?

What’s My Man Gonna Be Like

When A Body’s In Love

When A Woman’s In Love

When All’s Said And Done

When Black Sallie Sings Pagliacci

When I Had A Uniform On

When I Used To Lead The Ballet

When I Was A Little Cuckoo

When I’m Eating Around With You

When Love Beckoned

When Love Comes To Call

When Love Comes Your Way

When McKinley Marches On

When Me, Mowgli, Love

When My Baby Goes To Town

When My Caravan Comes Home

When The Hen Stops Laying

When The Summer Moon Comes ‘Long

When We’re Home On The Range

When You And I Were Strangers

When Your Troubles Have Started

Where Are The Men?

Where Do We Go From Here?

Where Have You Been?

Where Is The Life That Late I Led?

Where Would You Get Your Coat?

Where’s Louie?

Where, Oh Where?

Where?

Wherever They Fly The Flag Of Old England

Which

Who Knows?

Who Said Gay Paree?

Who Would Have Dreamed?

Who’ll Bid

Who, But You

Why Am I So Gone About That Gal

Why Can’t You Behave?

Why Didn’t We Meet Before

Why Do You Want To Hurt Me So?

Why Don’t We Try Staying Home?

Why Marry Them?

Why Should I Care?

Why Should I Trust You?

Why Shouldn’t I Have You?

Why Shouldn’t I?

Why Talk About Sex?

Widow’s Cruise

Wild Wedding Bells

Will You Love Me When My Flivver Is A Wreck?

Within The Quota (Jazz Ballet)

Without Love

Won’t You Come Crusading With Me

Wond’ring Night And Day

Woodland Dance

Wouldn’t It Be Crazy

Wouldn’t It Be Fun!

Wow-Ooh-Wolf

Wunderbar

Yankee Doodle

Yellow Melodrama

Yes, Yes, Yes

You And Me

You Can Do No Wrong

You Can’t Beat My Bill

You Do Something To Me

You Don’t Know Paree

You Don’t Remind Me

You Irritate Me So

You Make Up

You Never Know

You Said It

You’d Be So Nice To Come Home To

You’re A Bad Influence On Me

You’re In Love

You’re Just Too, Too!

You’re Sensational

You’re The Prize Guy Of Guys

You’re The Top

You’re Too Far Away

You’ve Got Something

You’ve Got That Thing

You’ve Got To Be Hard-Boiled

Yours

Yours For A Song

Zombie Dance

Mae West Quotes

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MAE WEST QUOTES:

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Sex is emotion in motion.   

A hard man is good to find.

I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.

I’ve been things and seen places.

Don’t ever make the same mistake twice, unless it pays.

How do you do, Miss West? 
How do you do what?

When I’m good I’m very, very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

I like a man who’s good, but not too good – for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far.

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

I’d like to see Paris before I die. Philadelphia will do.

I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.

A man’s kiss is his signature.

A woman in love can’t be reasonable – or she probably wouldn’t be in love.

Any time you got nothing to do – and lots of time to do it – come on up.

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.   

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from. 

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. 

I only have ‘yes’ men around me. Who needs ‘no’ men? 

It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it. 

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork. 

I always say, keep a diary and someday it’ll keep you. 

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them. 

I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway.

I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.

It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don’t break any.

It takes two to get one in trouble.

It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean. 

It’s not the men in my life that count, it’s the life in my men.

It’s not what I do, but the way I do it. It’s not what I say, but the way I say it.

Look your best – who said love is blind?

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. 

Love isn’t an emotion or an instinct – it’s an art.

Love thy neighbor – and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.

One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it. 

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.

Personality is the most important thing to an actress’s success.

Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things they’re doing and saying in films right now just shouldn’t be allowed. There’s no dignity anymore and I think that’s very important.

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. 

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I’m tired.

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

The score never interested me, only the game.

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office.

Goodness, what lovely diamonds.
Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.

No gold-digging for me… I take diamonds! We may be off the gold standard someday.

I’m no angel, but I’ve spread my wings a bit.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about you lately.
You must be awful tired.

I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I can always tell a lady when I see one. 
Yeah? What do you tell ’em?

Too many girls follow the line of least resistance–but a good line is hard to resist.

Some men are all right in their place–if they only knew the right places!

I see you’re a man with ideals. I better be going while you’ve still got them.

Men are all alike–except the one you’ve met who’s different.

Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I’d have to give it up.

It’s not the men in my life that counts– it’s the life in my men.

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.

Women with “pasts” interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself.

There are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

The best way to learn to be a lady is to see how other ladies do it.

Let men see what’s coming to them, and women will get what’s coming to them.

The curve is more powerful than the sword.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

Some women pick men to marry–and others pick them to pieces.

Good women are no fun… The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag.

You can do what you want, but saving love doesn’t bring any interest.

Love is the only industry which can’t operate on a five-day week.

Women want certain things in marriage–the right to a title and a front seat in the lap of luxury.

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

It’s easy to get married, but hard to stay that way.

Kiss and make up–but too much makeup has ruined many a kiss.

A girl in the convertible is worth five in the phone book.

Life’s just a merry-go-round. Come on up. You might get a brass ring.

You may admire a girl’s curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

I take it out in the open and laugh at it.

Brains are an asset to the woman in love who’s smart enough to hide ’em.

Look your best–who said love is blind?

Girls, give all your gentlemen friends an even break, even if you have to break them in the attempt.

If you put your foot in it, be sure it’s your best foot.

It’s all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he’s perfect.

The best way to behave is to misbehave.

He who hesitates is last.

I’m single because I was born that way.

Marriage is a great institution. No family should be without it.

A man has more character in his face at forty than at twenty–he has suffered longer.

Don’t come crawlin’ to a man for love–he likes to get a run for his money.

Don’t cry for a man who’s left you–the next one may fall for your smile.

I’d give half my life for just one kiss.
Then kiss me twice.

Oh, Miss West, I’ve heard so much about you.
Yeah, honey, but you can’t prove a thing.

Never ask a man where’s he’s been. If he’s out on legitimate business, he doesn’t need an alibi. And, girls, if he has been out on illegitimate business, it’s your own fault.

Come up and see me sometime. 

Adirondack and Chumash Canoes

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Several years ago we decided to spruce-up an old canoe. Merle had some fiberglass repair experience, so we patched up the holes and thin skin spaces. We painted it with marine paint and then I added designs. The animal images are mainly Northwestern Indian designs. The one exception is the icon of the Adirondack Park Museum ‘Otter chasing a fish’ design.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right Side Center – Frog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right Side Rear – Turtle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Left Side Rear – Loon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Left Side Center – Fish

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Left Side Front – Frog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right Side Front – Otter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right Side looking Rear

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Left Side looking Rear

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right Side looking Forward

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Left Side looking Forward

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and … It all worked. Now several years later, it still works. But has been replaced as our primary canoe by a much lighter teflon beauty

 

Somewhere in the state of Washington is a canoe that I decorated in the 90’s.  I don’t have pictures but the designs were from Chumash Indian cave paintings.  Below are some of the paintings that I had …

 

 

 

 

Chauvet Cave Paintings

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The Chauvet Cave Paintings were documented in the Werner Hertzog film “Cave of Forgotten Dreams“.  Recent DNA studies indicate that spotted horses as depicted in the cave may well have existed at the time.

We very much enjoy every Hertzog film that we’ve seen and found this one especially educational. We saw it in 3D and recommend that media, but don’t avoid it if only 2D is offered.

Sagrada Familia, Barcelona

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Take a look at a paper I wrote in 2004 about Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia.

Chinese Mask Changing

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In preparing for our 2002 trip to China, we came across a most charming filmKingOfMasks “The King of Masks”. And then in China I discovered a set of matchbox covers with representations of more than 100 opera masks. These events piqued my interest and upon returning home I put together the following slideshow of mask changing.

The face changing, or “bian lian” in Chinese, is an important aspect of Chinese Sichuan opera. Performers wave their arms and twist their heads, and their painted masks change repeatedly.
Famed Sichuan Opera performer Wang Daozheng in a 2006 interview said the secret of “bian lian” leaked out during the 1986 visit of a Sichuan Opera troupe to Japan. Wang laments the leak of this Chinese traditional secret performance art and is concerned the foreign performers in Japan, Singapore, South Korea and other countries are not well-trained. Wang argues that “bian lian” is one of the traditional arts protected by PRC secrecy laws but PRC Ministry of Culture officials said that that is not true.
Recently, Hong Kong pop star Andy Lau learned this secret art from skilled masters by paying them about 3,000,000 yuan (360,000), much to the chagrin of other old experts. Andy Lau only learned how to do the trick, but has not yet mastered it. This secret has been passed down from one generation to the next within families. In fact only males are permitted to learn Bian Lian. The old way of thinking was that women do not stay within the family and would marry out, increasing the risk the secret would be passed to another family. Therefore the art is technically forbidden to women. A Malaysian Chinese girl named Candy Chong has recently become a popular performer after learning it from her father.
Bian Lian is rarely seen performed in the United States because foreigners are not permitted to learn the art form. American Magician Dan Chan is one of a handful of performers who perform Bian Lian in the United States. Dan has been featured on Chinese newspapers, radio and television discussing Chinese culture and variety arts in China. Juliana Chen introduced her card manipulation on a World’s Greatest Magic TV special with a brief black light performance of Bian Lian. Michael Stroud, creator of the long-running Magique Bazaar theater show, is the first professional magician to bring it to the US after a cultural exchange with China.

Several years ago in Los Angeles for the Chinese New Year celebration we were treated to a Mask Changing performance.  I don’t remember the performers name but it probably was Dan Chan.  He was very impressive and did about a dozen mask changes.

St George and the Dragon

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Throughout Europe, Spain & especially Barcelona images of Saint George slaying the dragon are very common.  When we arrived in 2003 it struck me that I was being welcomed by all this “George” celebration, and so I was driven to take pictures of them all… (14 minutes worth if you have the time)

Perhaps the reason why the story about Saint George is so important to the Catalans is that it is seen as an allegory of their own history, the evil dragon being a symbol of Madrid/ the Central Power and the local knight the savior of the village.  Saint George is the Patron Saint of Catalan, as well as for many other communities.

from Wikipedia:
La Diada de Sant Jordi (Saint George’s Day), also known as El dia de la Rosa (The Day of the Rose) or El dia del Llibre (The Day of the Book) is a Catalan holiday held on 23 April, with similarities to Valentine’s Day and some unique twists that reflect the antiquity of the celebrations. The main event is the exchange of gifts between sweethearts, loved ones and respected ones. Historically, men gave women roses, and women gave men a book to celebrate the occasion—”a rose for love and a book forever.” In modern times, the mutual exchange of books is also customary. Roses have been associated with this day since medieval times, but the giving of books is a more recent tradition originating in 1923, when a bookseller started to promote the holiday as a way to commemorate the nearly simultaneous deaths of Miguel Cervantes and William Shakespeare on 23 April 1616. Barcelona is the publishing capital of both Catalan and Spanish languages and the combination of love and literacy was quickly adopted.

In Barcelona’s most visited street, La Rambla, and all over Catalonia, thousands of stands of roses and makeshift bookstalls are hastily set up for the occasion. By the end of the day, some four million roses and 800,000 books will have been purchased. Most women will carry a rose in hand, and half of the total yearly book sales in Catalonia take place on this occasion.

The sardana, the national dance of Catalonia, is performed throughout the day in the Plaça Sant Jaume in Barcelona. Many book stores and cafes host readings by authors (including 24-hour marathon readings of Cervantes’ “Don Quixote“). Street performers and musicians in public squares add to the day’s atmosphere.

23 April is also the only day of the year when the Palau de la Generalitat, Barcelona’s principal government building, is open to the public. The interior is decorated with roses to honour Saint George.

Catalonia exported its tradition of the book and the rose to the rest of the world. In 1995, the UNESCO adopted 23 April as World Book and Copyright Day.

People of Bhutan & India

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This Slideshow is of people we met in Bhutan and India during our visit there in 2009. In general the pictures progress from Bhutan through to southern India.

We started our adventure in Calcutta.  After the shock of poverty, we flew to Paro Bhutan, then to Timphu and the remote areas.  Then we flew to Delhi and on to Jaipur, Ranthambhore, Geejgar, Agra, Varanasi and Cochin.  We finished our visit in Mumbai.  The map below will give you a general feeling for our path.

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Many of the smiling faces were produced by my “magic”.  I have one wonderful rope trick that I perform very well and often.  Whenever we were in the company of locals I would “put on my show”.  I would enhance the joy by opening my hand to show the tangle of ropes responsible for the illusion.  They loved it!  And Merle was ready with her camera to catch their response.

 

The slideshow was produced using iPhoto.

We hope you enjoy these smiling faces as much as we have.

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